Vampire Troubles
by AvatarTwilightObsession
Summary: Ok, so this is my take on the whole 'if Edward had never come back and Bella turned into a vampire' story. They come across each other in Phoenix - chasing, soul-searching, emotions and Emmett ensue. R & R and enjoy :


**Ok, well, I decided to jump on the bandwagon and write one of these 'Bella gets turned into a vampire after Edward leaves' stories - it was just too much to resist, and this is my take on how I think it would pan out. Read, and enjoy :) Reviews are appreciated!**

**DISCLAIMER - You all know the drill. I am the puppetmaster, but Meyer dreamed these characters up**

**Read on, my brave warriors!**

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><p>Oh god, no.<p>

I was running, as fast as I possibly could, dodging trees and leaping over boulders, my gaze fixed on the middle of the ground in front of me, trying hard to get away. To disappear: to be anywhere but in this situation. It was proving more than difficult.

"Bella!"

"No! Goddamnit!" I growled, pushing myself harder, forcing myself to run faster – they couldn't find me, not now. Not ever.

Trust my luck that just as I entered Phoenix to visit my mother's grave, I'd stumbled across them_. _Across _him. _They'd been there too, all standing like statues in the middle of the wilderness – one of my mom's crazy last wishes: to be buried in the hard desert ground a few miles outside Phoenix. She'd gone a bit haywire her few final years, taking wild trips with Phil across the world, being even more eccentric than usual, which, for Renee, was quite a feat. I'd watched her from afar, saddened, knowing that it was mine and Charlie's deaths that had driven her halfway to insanity and wishing there was something I could do – but my wishes were in vain. There was nothing I could do for my poor mother: revealing myself, and show her what I had become…well, it would kill her.

Who would want to see their child become one of the living dead? Phil died a few months before her of lung cancer after a short and failed battle, and she'd followed swiftly; when I visited Renee for the last time she'd smiled, telling me that I looked the same as I always had, how much she'd missed me since I'd died…of course I'd had to make her believe that I died. She had to think I was a figment of her imagination. There was no other way. How could she have understood what I was? She would have thought I was a monster, even though I didn't believe it myself.

I sat by her side in her last hours, when she was too lost in her mind to know I was real, holding her hand until she finally let go, her skin going cold to match mine – I couldn't cry, only steal away again, as if all we had been to each other didn't matter anymore.

It hurt a lot, though. More than I ever thought it could. Both my parents were gone, and it nearly ripped me apart – it hurt most at night, even now, when the pain should have dulled to a low, soft ache. There was no one there beside me when the sorrow and grief came for me, and my dry sobs were left unheard. I missed them desperately, almost as much as I missed him. Almost. And now, when my dead heart could not take any more pain…here they were. My lost family, my lost love. Standing against the light of the rising sun, the sky painfully bright above them, empty desert surrounding us so my eyes took in everything in a second, even in my shock, and I could pick them all out.

I'd stopped in my tracks, my boots screeching across the hard dirt, throwing up sand and dirt around me in a hazy, ultra-conspicuous cloud. It was hard to surprise me since I'd become a vampire, but this really shocked me to the core. Edward's bronze hair was alight as he stood with his head bowed, set apart from the rest of his family, his tall form outlined with light. He was pushing his fingers through his hair, his back slightly hunched over, that sharp, slanted jaw of his tight – I could imagine he was gritting his teeth, though I couldn't think why.

I'd had no time to wonder what they were doing there, because they'd heard me. Edward's head snapped up, flicking towards me, his eyes meeting mine in a split second, and I couldn't move. I stood and stared, then just as they all twisted round I'd turned on my heel and fled, following my first instincts. Running away, fleeing desperately while my cold heart was close to shattering, as it had all those years ago. I couldn't let them get me, because that would mean the end of everything I'd built. The end of all I'd been working to forget.

Twenty painful years obviously wasn't long enough.

They were all on the chase; I could hear them behind me. Emmett shouted at Edward, "Dude, are you sure?" and I took another sharp turn, hoping to throw them off, glad that at least Edward couldn't hear my thoughts. He would be disgusted at what was running through my head; after he'd left me, rejected me, still all I could do was think of him. That was half the reason I wasn't staying to talk to them…I couldn't make myself do it. I couldn't make myself face his golden eyes again and see only antipathy in them. It was simply too much for me.

I couldn't let him know what I still felt for him. He would laugh, then walk away from me, breaking my heart. Again. I couldn't, I couldn't.

"Bella, please!" he called again, gaining on me, and I sobbed dryly as I broke through the trees and onto an open plain, knowing it was futile trying to escape all seven of them now that they were onto me. But if I could just run a little faster...the dust my feet threw up was sticking in my throat, and I coughed involuntarily as it tickled, even though I didn't need to.

"Bella!"

I threw a glance behind me and I could see them all, less than half a mile away, Edward out in front, little Alice right behind him, her face determined. Emmett just looked confused, but he was running hard too. Carlisle and Esme were looking at each other, talking hurriedly as they ran, probably discussing what they were going to do with me…Rosalie lagged behind, but still she was there. Their gazes zoomed in on my face, and I knew that if they weren't sure who I was before, they would definitely know now. "Leave me alone!" I sobbed, crying out, stopping short as a giant rock loomed in front of me. The sound of feet screeching to a halt echoed through the dusty woods; I snapped my head round then shot off the other way, skirting round it then back into the forest.

"Edward, no!"

Only Edward was chasing me now; everyone else had heeded my words and stopped. If anything, that was worse. The forest was shrouded in shadow, the trees around me tall and thin, bare until the top where a burst of dark leaves exploded into the sky, twisting together so light could only filter through in patches, hitting the ground in beams of sunshine. I darted to and fro, in and out of the patches of light, trying as hard as I could to lose him. Just as I looked round, my inherent vampire clumsiness got me, and I ran straight into a tree, falling back onto the ground, the tree falling with me. I rolled quickly, snapping back up, unhurt and making to move away again, but then Edward was there. He caught my wrist and pulled me to him – he was still stronger than me. I struggled, fought him as he hugged me tightly, then I went limp, not bothering to fight back, all my emotions flooding up until I was crying dry tears into his shirt, chanting, "No no no no no! Edward, leave me alone! Leave me!"

As much as my head was telling me to rip him to shreds, my heart was telling me to cling onto him, for as long as I could, to breathe in that smell that was so infinitely Edward. As much as it hurt, I couldn't make myself push him away.

"No..." I whispered, but Edward just stroked my hair, holding me close with his warm, horribly familiar arms. Even after all this time.

"Oh, Bella..."

We stood there together for a long time, and I suddenly felt whole. Complete. As if I had been drowning and had finally come up for air, breaking through the surface and bathing in the sunshine of his gaze.

But he didn't feel the same, and I hated myself for it.

"You're alive," was the first thing he said, pulling back to gaze at me, "I…I can't believe it…you're alive!" He put his hand out to touch my cheek, as if he were trying to convince himself I was really there – I said nothing, gazing back at him, unable to believe that after all this time he could still be the most beautiful thing in my world. "Bella…you're a...a..." he whispered in disbelief, his eyes searching my face – they were a dark shade of topaz, I imagined. The colour they were when he was sad.

"A Vampire," I replied emotionlessly. I'd had twenty years to come to terms with what I had become – something I had once wished for more than anything in the entire world. Ironic, but that didn't bother me too much now. Being a vampire wasn't half as bad as he'd once made it out to be, and I was proud that I had never touched human blood once in my new life. At least Carlisle might approve of me for that.

"How?" his exclamation was near silent, his voice cracking in what I thought might be disbelief.

Then I looked up at him, feeling like my face should be tearstained but knowing it was perfect, as always, and his haunting eyes locked onto mine, in a way I'd only dreamed of. "Please, Edward," I whispered, knowing this was my only chance, before I lost the will to do it. "Let me go. Please."

"No," he replied, his eyes blazing, "Never. I won't. Not again."

"Why are you here?" I whispered, finding it hard to understand why he was holding me at all.

"Because I love you; I missed you. And I'm so sorry, Bella...so very very sorry."

This was all the wrong way around – I loved him, more than anything, but I knew he didn't love me. He'd told me so, back in the forest, and the memory of the hurt was so clear it could have been yesterday, wrapping around my heart and squeezing it tight. "No," I said again, trying futilely to pull away, "Let me go, Edward, let me go!"

"No. I won't. I'll never let you go again."

Was it wrong that I didn't want him to? I knew I should be angry – I should be pulling down trees, shouting at him, hitting him, leaving him...I knew I shouldn't want him to just kiss me and for this all to be over. But I did, and I still couldn't make myself be angry with him.

I just didn't want the pain that would come with staying.

"Why?" I asked again, desperate to understand, to know why the man who left me twenty years ago was here, point blank refusing to let go of me.

"I love you."

"No you don't..." I replied slowly, as if talking to a small child, and he raised a bronze brow.

"Do you doubt me?" he murmured to me, and when I looked away, trying to break the connection I could feel growing between us, he put one finger to my cheek and gently turned my head so our gazes were locked again; I wondered if he could feel it too. "Please don't look away, Bella," he whispered, "It's been twenty years...I can't lose your eyes again."

But I'd lost him long ago, "You don't. You can't. You told me, Edward. Please, just let me leave."

"I can't."

"But you already did," I said sadly.

"Oh god, I'm sorry, Bella," he moaned, "For everything I did to you. For everything that's happened to you. I love you, more than anything." Right then I realised what he must be feeling…what was making him say these things. He felt guilty about what had happened – he'd left me unprotected, and Victoria had been able to get to me. That was all this was. Guilt. I told myself not to let the unfathomable hurt show on my face, staying strong, knowing that pushing him back would be the best thing for both of us. He wasn't thinking straight, and I wasn't strong enough to resist him for much longer.

Edward Cullen did not want me, and even though it hurt, it was the truth.

"Twenty years, Edward," I replied, in the same sad tone, "You had that long to come and find me. At least come to Forks and ask Jake what had happened to me…but you didn't." I sighed, stepping back, expecting him to let me go, but he didn't, stepping smoothly with me, graceful as ever. I looked up at him, into his dark eyes, and my self-control failed me. "I love you, Edward," I whispered shakily, trying not to hear his small gasp, "And you loved me too, once. I understand how you feel…but you need to let me go, because I can't do this anymore. It'll be best for both of us if you let me leave."

He shook his head, "Bella, what I feel for you isn't in the past tense-"

"Let me go, Edward. I have to leave."

"I can't let you leave."

"Please, Edward. This is what is best for both of us – you don't love me, you just think you do. You left me…that was evidence enough. Now please, let me go. " I tried to sound determined, but I knew I couldn't leave him...not unless he made me.

"Bella, please, you have to understand why!"

I couldn't take it anymore, shaking my head and starting to tug away from him, twisting myself out of his grip, "No, Edward, no! I can't, I can't...let me go! Let me go!" I finally managed to break his hold on me and I turned to make a run for it, then suddenly his hand was on mine and he pulled me back towards him, twisting me round, our lips meeting head on as we collided.

Then everything became crystal clear to me. There was no way I was leaving now, because every ounce of willpower I owned had just crumbled into dust.

We were kissing in a way we'd never kissed before – I was holding my own, my arms keeping him trapped with me just as his were holding me tight. His lips were soft and warm where they had been hard and cold, his body was deliciously non-marble, like my human body used to be.

I hated myself for never wanting to let him go.

This was what it would have been like if Edward was human. Of course, us both being vampires worked mostly the same way. He was giving all of himself into this kiss – I could tell – it was forceful, tender, hard, soft, urgent yet slow all at the same time. And I had to admit to myself: he was trying as hard as he could to convince me of...something.

Maybe there was a chance. A tiny chance. In any case, he had me at Bella.

"Please," he whispered, his breath ragged, pulling back a millimetre – I'd never seen him this way before, and he'd never looked more beautiful. "Please don't make me lose you. I can't...I just can't. I love you."

"I don't know," I breathed back, "I don't know if I can."

"You don't know what?" he asked me, searching my face, "You don't know whether you can believe me? You doubt me, don't you?" I stared back at him silently, unable to say that he was correct – but he knew he was. I could see it in his eyes. He took a deep breath, kissed me one more time, then let me go completely, holding my arms and setting me back on the ground before lowering them to his sides. "I'm sorry. For everything. For this. So sorry you can't even imagine. But will you come and say hello to everyone? If you aren't going to stay then...then they would like to have seen you." The fierce and determined Edward was suddenly gone, replaced with the Edward of old, who stood back and let me make my own decisions.

I wanted him to do it for me. I wanted him to tell me that I was going to stay with him, and that there was nothing I could do to stop it. I wanted him to ignore everything I said, pick me up and forcibly take me away, without any chance to argue.

I didn't want to have to decide this alone. To decide whether he loved me or not…how was I supposed to tell? But fierce Edward was quiet, the fire in his eyes dying, and I knew he would not return for now.

"Ok," I sighed, knowing that I wanted to see the rest of them anyway. Edward smiled crookedly then grabbed my hand, and I jumped, pulling it away and balling it into a fist, hiding it behind my back. Edward's shocked expression made me regret my hasty movement; I bit my lip while Edward looked at me, his face unreadable.

"Sorry," he said quietly, "Involuntary reaction."

Before he could move off I slowly reached out and took it again, giving him a small smile which he returned, the grin warming me somewhat. I wanted to make him smile again for me. Gripping each other's hands tightly we walked, just above human speed towards where the other vampires had stopped. Neither of us said anything, but the comfortable pressure of his hand on mine felt as good as it had years ago, and I suspected Edward might have some trouble later getting his hand back, no matter whether I liked him then or not.

I sighed, then whispered truthfully, unable to stop myself, "I missed you."

"I missed you too, love." My dead heart leapt at that familiar term and – metaphorically – beat once or twice, which was more than it had in twenty years.

"Alice saw you would be here," he said after a while of quiet walking, our feet soundless against the ground, "But none of us could believe it. We thought you died, you see. I did actually go to see Jake," he carried on, his voice careful, "He all but kicked me out again. Told me you were gone and there was nothing I could do about it." Edward smiled wryly, "It took everything I had to get out of the reservation alive once the wolves knew I was there." Edward didn't say anything about how he'd found out Jake was a werewolf, but I supposed his quiet acceptance was a good thing.

"Typical Jake," I replied, laughing slightly, "He never did like you. But he was right – I was gone."

"Why?"

Did he deserve to know?

But he was looking at me with those eyes, and I couldn't keep anything from him, "Charlie was killed in the same attack that got me. I…I didn't want to stay. I left, and the authorities eventually decided whoever killed Charlie had killed me too. Mom...well, she was never the same again, after all that. I couldn't tell her what I'd become…it would hurt her worse than thinking I was dead. I ran because I thought it would be better, and I've never stopped running."

"Bella..." he stopped, pulling me around to face him, his golden eyes filled with sadness. I gazed at him, waiting for him to say something, but he did not – we stayed that way for what could have been days, long moments slipping past like water. Words became irrelevant, and when he moved forward, his hands slipping about my waist again and pulling me to him, I did not, could not, object. We kissed again, long and slow, and I was unable to hold myself back from him. I could quite literally feel the weight on my shoulders lifting, the pain that had sat solidly in the pit of my stomach, between my shoulder blades, weighing down on my heart since I'd been turned, abating – he was fixing me, and I didn't think he even knew it.

"Bella," he murmured when he pulled away, resting his forehead against mine, "Oh, Bella." He seemed about to say more, his eyes locked in mine whilst I felt very much like I was about to melt - but then there was a sudden, high pitched scream that made us jump away from each other.

"Bella!" Alice came hurtling out of nowhere, nearly knocking me down, hugging me around the waist tightly. I smiled to have her there, feeling a little better already. "Oh, Bella, you're here!" Alice cried, jumping back and smiling at me, bouncing on her toes, "I knew it, I told them! I told them, I told them so!" She seemed unable to control her excitement, as always, jumping on me again and hugging me so tight I knew she would have strangled me if I were still human, "I missed you Bells, it's so good to see you!"

"Little sister!" Emmett bore down upon us, picking us both up in a giant bear hug, "It _is_ you!"

I laughed despite myself, hugging them both back – after all, they weren't the ones who left me. "It's great to see you too, guys," I said as he put us down, "Emmett, have you gotten bigger?" I studied him and he just picked me up again, whirling me around.

"It's so good of you to notice, Bella!"

I was starting to feel a little dizzy, if that was even possible for a vampire. "Em, put her down," Edward's soft voice said from behind me, seeming to sense this, and Emmett threw him a look, putting me down grudgingly.

"He's been so grumpy these last few twenty years," he said to me, making me laugh, "Never wants to have any fun."

"Hey, Bella," Jasper said, coming up next to Emmett, and I smiled shyly, not used to being this close to him.

"Hey Jasper." Then, all of a sudden, I was hugging him too, for the first time ever. He was taller than Edward, but not as huge as Emmett; it was a rather strange experience, but not bad. Not bad at all. It felt so good to be close to someone, after all these years alone. I almost didn't want to let any of them go, but I didn't want them to think I was clingy, so I let him go quickly and stepped back, throwing him a small, hesitant smile.

Esme was next, and she wrapped me in her arms with no hesitation, "It really is good to see you, Bella," she whispered in my ear, the smell of her caramel hair filling my head, "I missed you too."

I would have blushed, hoping that this all wasn't just formalities for an old friend they'd all used to know, "Thanks, Esme."

I was left standing in the middle of a circle of them, Emmett, Alice, Jasper, Rosalie (who had declined to say hello) Esme and Carlisle around me, with Edward just a little behind me. I felt him cautiously reach forward and touch me, and I let him take my hand again, intertwining my fingers with his. I didn't miss Alice's little, satisfied grin. "Bella," Carlisle began, smiling at me, "I must say, firstly: it is a surprise to see you again."

"Not for me!" Alice piped up, and I smiled back at her as she sent me a grin.

"Well, apart from Alice, we were surprised," Carlisle smiled fondly at her before returning to me. "So you were turned instead of killed…" he mused, "I suppose we should have guessed. If you will permit me to ask: who was the vampire who turned you?"

"Victoria," I answered easily, "Who else? I don't know why she did it…I woke up afterwards as I am now and she was gone." I didn't want to mention that I'd actually fought her and won – the feeling of pulling her head clean off her shoulders in my newborn rage still made my fingers itch a little. "Maybe she thought it would be more of a punishment than actually killing me."

Carlisle smile was suddenly sad, "Perhaps. Bella…can I just say how sorry I am about what happened to you? If we had been there…"

"It's not your fault," I interrupted at once, "Not at all." I tried to smile, "It would have happened anyway. I was too careless…I should have told Charlie everything, then maybe we would have been more prepared…please," I looked round at all of them, "Don't blame yourselves. This was how it was always going to end for me." They all looked very forlorn at that, and I tried to smile wider, "Don't feel bad, not for me. I'm alright."

"Bella…"

I shook my head at Alice, "I'm fine, Alice. You don't need to worry about me."

Edward was gazing at me intently, I could feel it - Carlisle nodded, thankfully changing the subject. "I see you chose our way of living, then, Bella?" he gestured to my eyes, and I would have blushed if I could – I shrugged instead, feeling bashful under his shrewd gaze.

"I could never," I answered, "Not after..." I shook my head, the words catching in my throat a little, not wanting to mention the past, worried they would be angry with me. I settled for a short, "No. I could never be like that. Not after what you taught me."

Carlisle's smile was wide and open – the way Charlie used to smile at me when I did something good: proud. "I'm glad to hear it." He clapped his hands together then, breaking the suddenly tense atmosphere, "Well, Bella, we were all going back to our home here, if you would like to join us?"

One look at Alice and Emmett's eager faces and I knew my decision. "Of course," I replied, "It would be a pleasure."

"Yay!" Alice screamed, rushing forward and hugging me round the waist – this was going to take some getting used to – "Bella's with us again!"

"Just for now," Esme added, with a slight nod to me, but I didn't nod back, undecided, turning away and biting my lip. If anything, all I wanted was to stay with them, to have a home again with them. I'd been a nomad for far too long, and I hadn't forgotten how much I loved them all. But then again, I hadn't forgotten what it had been like to lose my whole future with them, and I didn't want to have to go through it again. Decisions were all around me – I knew I should hate them all right now, especially Edward, but I didn't; all I felt was an unquestionable sense of relief. It wasn't right…obviously I was being way too forgiving.

Why couldn't I be angry with him?

I wanted to take him back, that was undeniable – wanted him back with me...I could've done it in a heartbeat. But there was something stopping me; something making me hesitate. Even if Edward did love me still, as much as I loved him, the hole that he left still ached. I couldn't be harmed anymore, not physically – I was strong enough to make my own decisions, but I just didn't know if I was sane enough.

Maybe I should stay, but...as what?

I could either be damning myself to a lifetime of regret and pain, or of complete happiness that I knew Edward could give me. Had given me.

Taken away from me too, though.

"Bella?" Edward came up behind me, his voice anxious – I had been looking away from them for too long, "Are you alright? You don't have to come if you don't want to, you know."

"No," I said at once, turning round and doing a bit of a double take; he was much closer than I thought he would be, and our chests were pressed together. I let out a small, shaky breath, suddenly immobile, unable to do anything but stare into his eyes as intensely as I thought he was staring into mine. We stayed that way for what could have been a millennium, but then Jasper cleared his throat and I snapped to attention. "No," I said again, moving back and wrapping my arms around myself, trying to keep myself together, "I want to come."

Edward smiled distantly, not answering me, and Carlisle coughed. "Well…shall we get going?"

"Yes," I said loudly, trying to force a wide smile – Alice was staring at me, but I tried to ignore her gaze. We were running now, Alice and Edward on either side of me, Emmett behind and as the forest melted away, and we crossed an empty motorway and a land of grass, I thought. Trying to use my enhanced brain to decide what I should do.

Maybe I should stay, figure out where I was happier. That was what was important now, I decided: my own happiness. It didn't escape my mind that I would probably be making everyone else happy if I stayed too. I knew they loved me, to an extent. I couldn't deny that to myself any longer, as much as I wanted to.

I was so engrossed in my thoughts that I hadn't realised that everyone had stopped. "Bella," Edward whispered in my ear, and I stopped short again, somehow tripping over a rock and falling straight onto the floor. Emmett and Alice didn't hesitate to laugh loudly, Edward joining in a little too. "How are you still clumsy?" he chuckled as I picked myself up.

I ignored that, "Where are we?"

"Home," he said, gesturing to a log house rising above the trees, nestled in a small clearing, "At least, for now."

It wasn't half as big as big as the giant white house in Forks, and it was the only one of many houses I'd seen that actually looked like it had been built more than one hundred years ago.

Humans had a weird space-age habit nowadays. As a vampire, I'd found myself stuck in the nineties and beginning two thousandths way of thinking, so nothing the humans did or made these days really made any sense to me. I mean, really, what was the point of hover-beds? I tended to fall off them anyway, so I slept on the floor whenever possible.

It was beautiful, as the Cullen houses always were. The logs were perfectly aligned, reaching as high as three stories, and the windows were shuttered and engraved. The door was some sort of red wood, also engraved, with a pine, I thought I smelled, porch, stretching out from the front wall and ending in steps leading down to the mossy earth. "It's beautiful, Esme," I said in wonder, knowing that she'd built it, and she smiled as we all climbed the steps.

"Thank you, Bella, dear. Coming here finally gave me a chance to build this...I've been working on the plans for years."

The front room was large and cosy, with a fireplace occupying the back wall. It was carpeted, and there were three earth-brown sofas made from cracked leather surrounding the fireplace, with a small table in between. Roughly cut bookshelves stood around the walls, laden with books that I knew belonged to anyone who wanted to read them, and there were one wide set of stairs, leading off the side, cut into the wall and disappearing upwards out of sight. There was no kitchen, or bathroom – unlike in their old house, they were so isolated here that there was no need for them to pretend.

"Well, Bella," Carlisle smiled, "Welcome to our home. Would you like to have a tour of the house first, or-?"

"I'll take her to have a look around," Edward said instantaneously, moving up to stand beside me; no one was given the chance to object as he said, quietly, "Come on." He led me forward and I followed, unable to stop myself. The other vampires seemed a little worried as we ascended the stairs; I could feel their eyes on me, hear their whispered anxieties, but I couldn't worry about them now. I crossed my arms, avoiding Edward's gaze, feeling awkward now even though mere minutes had passed since I'd been wrapped in his arms and he'd been kissing me. How could something so recent seem like a far-off memory, yet things that happened to me twenty years ago were clear as if they'd happened yesterday?

"So..." Edward began as he got to the top of the stairs – we were facing a long corridor, with a series of rooms dotted along its length. "This is Alice and Jasper's room," he pointed to a closed door, "Emmett and Rosalie's...Carlisle and Esme's...," there was that cross that had hung from the ceiling in their old house; I smiled, remembering, following Edward up another hidden flight of stairs. "And...this is...my room."

We stood on a tiny floor at the top of the house, more like an attic than a floor, where there was only one room – I'd always known Edward liked to be alone, but this seemed more like total isolation. The place where you'd put a crazy old aunt when you didn't know what to do with her anymore. He seemed to sense what I was thinking, saying, "Jasper couldn't stand being on the same floor as me...and everyone else took his lead and...I ended up...up here. They were all very nice about it, but I could hear that they couldn't bear having me around. I don't mind."

I was burning to ask why, even though I thought I already knew; but my thought seemed ridiculous. Edward couldn't have been depressed…not like I had been. "I don't see why," I said, carefully, "I mean-"

Edward gave me a look which shut me up in a second. He sighed, "You just don't get it, do you, Bella?"

What was there to get?

He closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose before running both hands through his hair – it gave him a slightly wild look that made me afraid as he laughed darkly. I knew things were about to get serious between us, and I didn't want them to. I was frightened of what he might say. "You've always been so oblivious to anything important I try to tell you." I bridled as he chuckled again, his voice bitter, "When it's lies...oh no, you'll believe it in a heartbeat, but when I'm actually trying to tell you something important..."

"I'm listening, Edward," I interrupted, "I always listened."

"You're not!" he exploded, stepping forward, backing me up against the door – I collided with it with a loud crash in my scrambled haste, the door rattling on his hinges. There was an audible, "Emmett! Don't!" from downstairs, accompanied with a few more bangs. Edward was unfazed, all his attention focused on me, his eyes burning; I shrank away as he carried on, "You never listened, not when it was actually important! Look, you're not even listening now!"

"I am!" I countered, trying to hold my own, "What else would I be doing? You're standing right in front of me!"

"You may be listening, Bella, but you're not _hearing _me!"

He looked so angry that I couldn't help but whimper as I said, "Edward, please, stop it."

He growled, sounding more animal-like by the second, "God, Bella, why won't you hear me?" I bit my lip, unable to answer his fury, unsure whether I was the one he was angry at, and unsure what I should say to calm him – I knew what I would have done; what I used to imagine I would do, if I were a vampire like him and he were unthinkingly furious as he was now. I knew exactly what used to calm him, and I sighed, even as he stood a foot away, steaming, wishing I could just reach up and kiss him to soothe him and hating myself for wishing it.

I glanced up at him again, and suddenly found that his anger had abated, his eyes gentle. "Sorry," he said, softly, "I'm so sorry, lo-...Bella. I'm just..." he growled again, twisting his fingers together, "I'm just...Bella...I can't..." It wasn't like Edward to be so lost for words.

I shook my head, feeling vulnerable and confused, "I don't know what you mean. I don't know what you want from me."

"You," he replied, "That's what I want. You."

I shook my head, "No, no...that's not what you want. You don't want me."

"I do," he said again, sounding like a little child, "I do."

"No, you don't."

"I do, Bella." He moved closer, making me back up more until I was on my tiptoes, palms flat against the wood, staring with a mixture of fear and that inexorable excitement which had everything to do with his proximity, "I've always wanted you."

"Edward, no-"

"What will it take?" he whispered, interrupting me, his gaze so intense I could not help but gulp down my words, "What will it take for you to _believe _me?" I had nothing to say, and soon the fire died in his eyes. He spoke again, his voice dead now, "And now you're...you're..." he sounded close to crying, even though he couldn't, and my dead heart broke for him; he hung his head, "Now you're as you are, and it's all my fault."

"No, Edward," I whispered, unable to stop myself from reaching up to touch his cheek, "No. If nothing else, what happened to me is not your fault."

"If I had been there," he moaned, "If I just hadn't left, I could have protected you...and your father."

"What happened wasn't your fault," I insisted, "I was always going to end up this way. You know it's true. From the moment I met you, there was no way out for me. And I was ok with that."

"That's why I left," he whispered, raising his gaze to mine – his golden eyes were agonized, "I wanted to give you a way out. No one deserves to become what we are, Bella. You never understood that, but I did...you didn't deserve it. I did what I did to save you – out of love for you – but look where it ended up. Twenty wasted years...I broke you, and it didn't make any difference. No matter what I do, it doesn't do any damn good, because the universe gets you anyway." He sighed, "I'm so sorry, Bella." He put his head in his hands, and I felt nothing but lost, unable to do anything but watch him, "It's all my fault."

"Edward...it's not-"

"It is."

I growled at his opacity, my temper taking a turn for the worse. "Edward!" I said again, my voice shooting through two octaves in my frustration, "I got myself turned into a _vampire_, and that's nothing to do with you...stop feeling sorry for yourself! If anything, you should be feeling sorry for this," I pointed to my chest, "Edward, you broke my heart! Me being like this – it doesn't matter, I don't blame anyone: because what _you _did was infinitely worse." I felt no guilt in shouting at him, but the look of pain on his face made my heart ache; I had to get it out. "You broke me," I said, my voice low and serious, "You left me there, all by myself – you were _my_ personal brand of heroin. You got me addicted, you made me dependant on you, then you just got up and left! If anything, you should be apologising for that!" I laughed bitterly, "You made my life so wonderful, you showed me what life could be like – I had a taste of loving someone so much that even kissing you made me _faint_...and then you went and left." His face had gone flat, but I was too far gone to stop now, "You weren't being selfless. You were being selfish – you went on and on about coveting me, and that may have been selfish, but the least you could have done was pay for your decision. That would have been the selfless thing, instead of running away and leaving me empty.

"I went _catatonic_, Edward! I didn't speak for months – I missed you, all the time. I saw your face everywhere...I lost all my friends, and when Jake came along, I couldn't even commit to him because I was so high on you. He turned into a werewolf, and yet he still came back for me...a broken, twisted, ghost version of myself. If anything, getting turned was good for me – I finally had my chance to get out. I left everything behind, tried to rid myself of you, left my family, and as soon as I take one step forward, here you come dragging me back again." I shook my head, not even looking at him anymore, the window seeming much more open to my ranting, "And I want to be dragged, that's the worst thing. I want to come back to you still, after all you've done to me. And yet all you can do is apologise for something as inconsequential as being turned," I almost spat the last words, all the spite gone as soon as I said them. I went silent – there was nothing left for me to say. Everything I'd felt, everything I'd wanted to yell...it was all gone, and it left a strange feeling of calm.

But there was still one more thing I wanted to do.

"Bella, I..." Edward was cut off as I raised one hand and slapped him across the face, a sharp crack echoing through the house. There was a round of applause from downstairs, accompanied by a few cries of, "She slapped him!" "I can't believe it!" and "Go Bella!" as Edward circled his jaw, his eyes wide with surprise – I sighed, rolling my shoulders.

"Alright," I nodded to myself and him, "Now I'm done."

Edward looked speechless – after a minute, a word stumbled out. "Ouch..." he muttered, and I grinned to myself, glad that he had felt it. I hadn't wanted it to be for nothing. "Ow..." he said, "Bella...that really really hurt." He caught my opinion from my expression, and he nodded slowly, "But I suppose I deserved that."

I nodded firmly, "Be happy that I won't be doing it again."

"Please do," he still sounded stunned, rubbing his jaw, "It was enlightening."

If I could, I would have blushed, the sudden return to normality leaving me embarrassed I had done it. "Sorry," I muttered, looking down at my feet – Edward chuckled lightly.

"Don't be," he said, "I deserved it." He smiled gently at me as I glanced up at him, twisting my fingers together in front of me, unable to think of anything else to say – everything I had wanted him to know he now knew...I had imagined this conversation too many times, but I had always assumed he would just turn around and leave. I had no idea what to do now. Edward sighed, the smile dropping from his face as the silence dragged on. "Do you..." he finally said, pointing behind me, a sheepish look on his face, "Do you want to go inside and just...talk about this? You know, without the shouting or the fighting or the...the kissing..." just hearing him say it made me shiver a little; he smiled crookedly, "Just talk...rationally, for once?"

There was no way I could refuse him, even if I'd wanted to. "Yeah," I said, nodding to him, "Yeah...that would be nice." He moved past me, opened the door – always the gentleman, Edward – and, to my intense pleasure, I found nothing had changed. I walked in after him, looking around, appreciating the familiarity after all this time, and he caught my smile.

"I couldn't bear to change it," he said softly, not looking at me, "Too...far too many memories." I could tell he was about to say more, but something sitting on his dresser distracted me – I sighed gently at I picked it up.

Just when I thought I had everything worked out: he had to go complicate it all up.

It was a picture of the both of us: human me, my smile bright and my cheeks flushed, and vampire him, as white as ever...as beautiful as ever. Alice had obviously taken it when we weren't watching – to be honest, I had never seen it up until now. It was taken through the glass window at the back of the house, of both our profiles – we were sitting up against the tall oak in their garden, Edward's arm slung over my shoulders, the picture of relaxation. He was talking and I was laughing – I remembered that moment remarkably clearly. He had just told me a knock knock joke, and it sounded so absurd coming from his lips that I couldn't help but laugh at him. I sighed: looking at us, you could tell that we were nothing less than blissfully happy. At the time, I had been blissfully happy – I looked at my human self, knowing I had no clue, none at all, about what the reality of my future would have held. And that if I had known, I would have taken action that afternoon, the afternoon that he left me. Instead of taking it, of letting him go, I knew I would have fought him. Forced him to keep me, guilt-tripped him, whatever it took to avoid what had actually happened...even though he didn't want me.

All this, as per the vampire way, was processed by my brain in less than a second, and it took even shorter time than that for him to be behind me, gently prising the picture out of my hands and setting it back down on his bedside table. I turned to look at him, and the apologetic expression on his face told me he thought he had offended me. "Sorry," he said quietly, his eyes burning a little, "I...couldn't bear to change it."

"Edward," I sighed at him, "Why do you have to make everything so complicated?"

"Complicated?" he asked me, "I thought it was all perfectly simple."

"How, Edward?" I replied, moving to sit on his bed, my heart aching as I touched the golden bedspread, "How is it perfectly simple?" He came to sit down beside me, his golden gaze serious and intense, holding me still, his voice even more so.

"Because I love you," he said, "That's how." I whimpered a little as he gingerly took my hands, knowing I was not going to be able to withstand him for much longer – and I had to, because he had left me all those years ago, and there was no feasible way that he could love me now.

"No you don't."

"I do," his eyes were blazing, making me lose my resolve, "Bella, I love you more than anything and everything, just like I did twenty years ago." When I tried to look away, he took my chin in his fingers, making me lock my eyes on his, "I love you, and I'm so sorry for everything that happened. I'm sorry for leaving you alone, and for how weak I was. Even though it's all my fault, I still love you."

"Edward," I whispered, feeling agonized, "Edward, I thought we were going to be rational." The situation had gone from intense to calm to intense in a matter of minutes, and all I really wanted was for this all to be over and to be on my own...I didn't want to have to go through this all again.

"I am being rational, Bella," he told me, "This is everything that I want you to know, everything that I want you to understand. I'm sorry…I love you."

"Edward, please..."

"I love you."

"Then why?" I asked him, frustrated and sad and wistful; he looked confused, and I sighed, "Why did you do it? Why did you leave me?"

"Oh, Bella," he sighed, gripping my hands tight, "I'm sorry…so very, very sorry. All I can say is that I wanted the best for you – I wanted you to be safe. Being with me…I was so dangerous for you, so bad for you, and you never understood that. I should have never told you how I felt about you, because in doing so I doomed you. I know that now, and I know that once I took you I should never have let you go; I was wrong. So very, very wrong…and you paid the price for it."

"Edward…" I sighed, "It wasn't your fault."

"Bella, of course it was," he smiled sadly at me, "Of course it was my fault. You're just too forgiving – but I swear, I'll make it up to you if you choose to stay. I love you, and that will never change. If you choose to believe me, I swear I'll never break your trust in me again. I'll be with you, and I promise I'll try to treat you right this time."

"That's a big promise to make," I replied, still hesitant, still unsure; he nodded fiercely.

"I'll make it gladly if it means you'll forgive me for what I did."

"I forgave you as soon as I saw you, Edward," I said, "You don't understand either, you know. You never fully grasped how much I loved you – I hardly care about what happened in the past anymore. I just…I just don't know…" I moaned, shaking my head, pulling my hands away so I could run them through my hair – I didn't think I'd ever felt so conflicted in my life. "I'm so confused – you come back after all this time, and say all these things to me, and still what you said twenty years ago when you left me is so clear in my mind that…that I don't know what to believe anymore."

"You don't trust me," he stated, his eyes reproachful and sad; I looked back at him and sighed, folding my hands carefully in my lap.

"It's not that…I just don't trust myself." That was the best I could do – he gazed at me, his eyes quizzical.

"Do you want to leave?"

"No," I shook my head, "No…I don't think I could."

"Why not?"

"You," I whispered, looking away from him, unable to not feel ashamed, "It's always been you, Edward."

He smiled gently, "And it's always been you." I knew he could see how my body hunched over in shame, the way I shook my head, determined not to believe him – he reached out and forced me to look at him. "Bella," he murmured, as I shifted uneasily under his gaze, "What's wrong? Why won't you look at me?"

"Edward…" I muttered, "This is wrong…I can't…I mean…"

"You still don't believe me, do you?" I closed my eyes but shook my head silently, holding onto him all the tighter, not wanting him to move away – I shivered a little when he reached up, touched my cheek. "I can try another method of persuasion, if you want," he murmured, "I can prove to you that this is in no way wrong."

When I opened my eyes I could see what he was going to do.

"Edward, we can't..." but he was advancing on me, pushing me backwards, his mouth set, his eyes determined – there was no way I could stop him, because I wanted it to happen. My dead heart was on fire, unable to not believe his words; my breathing quickly gained speed, my mind reeling, as he came closer and closer, his glorious eyes burning.

"I love you, Isabella Marie Swan."

"Edward..." I moaned as a last attempt as I found myself pressed up against the headboard, slowly sliding down amongst the cushions, unable to support myself as he braced himself above me, one strong arm on either side – he was far, far too close, and I was losing my resolve.

So, as it seemed, was he.

"I love you," he murmured once more, "Bella...I _want_ you."

"Oh god..." I breathed, and then he was there, kissing me with reckless abandon – fierce, determined, breathtaking Edward was back, and there was no way I could resist him, not even for a second. "Oh, god, Edward," I murmured again, my voice hoarse as he pressed his lips to my jaw, "I love you too." His eyes were positively glowing as he moved to press his mouth to mine, his lips warm and demanding and urgent – I wrapped myself around him, kissing him back with all the strength I had, which was infinitely more than I had before. Now I could hold him to me, and he couldn't break away, couldn't hold back for fear of breaking me – I could kiss him, as hard as I could, and now he would actually feel it.

He moaned into my mouth, kissing me so hard that I would have been gasping if I did not actually need oxygen – even so, my lungs were pumping hard, my heart not racing but feeling as if it should be, almost heating up in my chest. My whole body tingled as he ran his hands over me, tightening them on my lower back and pushing me up against him. I did gasp then, from shock at his boldness, and he chuckled. "Did I surprise you?" he murmured, running his tongue along my lower lip before pressing our mouths together again; I pulled him closer and kissed him hard.

"Stop talking."

That only served to please him more.

The world was spinning all around me, but all I could see and feel was him. He had become my world…again. He was putting all of himself into this kiss, all his strength, all his passion – there was nothing he was keeping from me, because he didn't need to anymore. Then he pulled away abruptly and I was left gasping, my insides squirming as he pressed his forehead against mine, his eyes open and warm. "Bella..." he murmured, sounding just as staggered as I felt at the slough of feelings that were rushing through me – it had never been like this before, and I wondered how on earth I could have ever worried about not feeling as much for him when I was turned. If anything, I felt more, and judging from the ragged edge to his breathing and how his hands were trembling a little: so did he.

There was just so much more to feel...he was closer than he had ever been before, holding me tighter than he had ever been able to, rough and powerful as I had always wanted him to be. No more worries, no more torture, no more caution...just Edward. Beautiful, wonderful, dazzling Edward.

"Can't you feel it, Bella?" Edward murmured heatedly in my ear, making me tremble, "How can you not see it? How can you not know how much you mean to me?"

"You left me," I breathed, though that didn't seem to matter anymore now that I was gazing into his eyes, "I thought…I didn't think…"

"You thought I didn't actually love you anymore?" he sighed, smiling fondly at me, pushing my hair back from my forehead with his strangely warm fingers – I no longer felt cold in his arms, "I think I'm starting to understand now. Obviously I haven't spelled my feelings out clear enough for you, have I?" He chuckled, "Oh, you silly, beautiful, oversensitive girl…trust you to hold back from believing me unless I say exactly the right thing. And that's what you want, isn't it? You want me to spell it out for you?" He rolled his shoulders, taking a deep breath, "I was lying, Bella. Is that clear enough for you? I was lying, of course I was lying, how could I not be?"

"Lying?" I whispered – he nodded slowly.

"It was all a lie, Bella. Every single word I said to you back then – believe me, love, I hated myself for doing that to you. I thought…I thought I could save you if I just convinced you that I didn't love you anymore, and you believed me, as I knew you would. You were always so irrational, so trusting of me – and yet the one thing I told you that was a lie you believed wholeheartedly. Such a silly question: do I love you?" It was rhetorical, and he answered himself, "I think the real question is how could I not love you? My beautiful Isabella…" I smiled shyly back at him, closing my eyes and sighing as he leant in to kiss my jaw. "It's been so long…to have you back now…"

"Edward," I breathed his name, "Oh, Edward, I love you so much."

"I love you too," he said, wrapping his arms around me and hugging me tight – I closed my eyes and hugged him back, pressing myself to his form and taking him in, somehow still unable to believe that he was really there. He kissed the top of my head, just holding me, and it felt almost too good to have him there; his arms, his embrace, his love. I sighed contentedly, deciding that I didn't want to move for at least a couple of hours. "I missed you," he whispered in my ear after a while, "So much, Bells. Don't think I ever forgot about you, or stopped thinking about you. Even after I left you…I tortured myself, thinking about you and wanting to come back to you. When you jumped off that cliff and I thought you had died…it took everything my family had to stop me from trying to go with you. Alice attached herself to my side for a year, never let me out of her sight. Even after that, all I wanted was to rip open the sky and try and find you there…there wasn't a moment in the last twenty years when I didn't regret what I did. I've missed you deeply, every minute. I never stopped loving you, not for one second."

"I didn't either," I replied softly, speaking into his shirt, "I missed you all the time. All I wanted to do was find you, but…I thought you didn't want me."

"And I thought you were dead," he murmured, "We're the ultimate dysfunctional couple, aren't we?"

I looked up and laughed a little, "Yeah, we are."

As soon as I locked my eyes with his, I was lost in them again. He said nothing in reply, just gazing back at me with those golden eyes that were growing warmer by the second, burning. He let go of me to take my face in his hands, stroking my cheeks gently with his thumbs. "I love you," he whispered slowly, so low that I wouldn't have been able to hear twenty years ago; but I heard him now. In every way, I heard him.

"I know," I murmured back, gazing up at him, my arms locking around his neck, my lips twisting into an inevitable smile. He smiled back at me, leaning down to kiss me again, much more gently this time. I kissed him back, luxuriating in him, twisting my fingers into his hair as he wrapped his arms around me, and smiled against his lips, knowing for certain that everything was going to be alright. The day had been crazy, beyond my wildest dreams…but Edward loved me, and he was back with me, and that was all that mattered, in the end.

Maybe it was time to show him what I had learnt to do. I had wanted to show him, ever since I found out I could, but I had never believed I would be able to. With a deep breath, Edward's eyes snapping open as I closed mine, concentrating hard, I pushed the now relatively light weight from my mind and whispered inside my head: _I love you too._

He stiffened in shock, and I couldn't help but giggle a little at the look on his face. "What did you say?"

_You heard me. I love you too. _He gaped at me, his eyes wide, and I smiled, _It's my special power. Protection – no one can get inside my head or hurt me unless I want them to…becoming a vampire gave me control over it. And now you can know what I'm thinking, like you always wanted. _He just stared at me, and I smiled a little. _What, aren't you going to say anything?_

"That's amazing," he murmured after another second, looking the most taken aback I'd ever seen him, and I knew it was hard to surprise a vampire, "I _heard _you..."

_You always did want to know what I was thinking, _I laughed, and he grinned, pressing his forehead against mine.

"And it's just as good as I thought it would be. Out of all the minds I've heard," he smiled, "Yours is most definitely my favourite." He sighed – his gloriously crooked smile seemed permanent now. He kissed me again, whispering, "I am never going to stop loving you, Bella."

I was dizzy with happiness as he held me tight; there was a distinct sound of cheering from downstairs, and Edward chuckled. "They're all very happy for us right now."

"_I'm_ very happy for us right now."

He chuckled, his eyes sparkling, "Me too." I smiled at him, and he sighed, brushing his fingers against my mouth "How I've missed that smile," he murmured, his own crooked one playing across his lips; I sighed contentedly, feeling so at peace I could almost fall asleep. I let my head rest on his chest, closing my eyes and settling down, breathing out a long, slow breath. "I love you," he murmured in my ear, his arms tightening around me, hugging me closer; I smiled as he tucked his head over mine.

"I love you too."

Later, when we finally managed to make it back downstairs, Alice immediately threw her arms around me, "I knew this would happen! I knew you would forgive him! Oh, I'm so happy!" I felt Edward laugh beside me, the whole house ringing with the sound, his hand firmly holding mine, and I saw Carlisle close his eyes and smile. I sensed that they had not heard Edward laugh in a very long time.

Esme pulled me into a hug too, whispering in my ear, "Thank you, Bella." I would have blushed if I could as she hugged Edward too. I heard her sigh, "You're finally back."

"I didn't go anywhere," he chuckled.

_They've missed you, you know_, I thought at him, _You can't see it, but I can._

"How can they have missed me?" he asked me, turning to focus his attentions on me, bringing his temple to mine, "I never left."

I rolled my eyes at him. _You're an idiot. A blind idiot. _

"Don't you insult me," he chuckled, poking me in the side, his eyes practically glowing with happiness - Alice looked from me to him, then sighed.

"Oh no," she said, "Bella's power! I can see it now – protection. You can hear what she's thinking, can't you?"

Edward grinned sunnily, "Yep!"

"Great. More secret lovey-dovey conversations that make no sense. Yay."

"How is that a bad thing?" I laughed; Alice groaned at me.

"So we're going from grumpy emotional Edward, to secretive lovey-dovey Edward who shares thoughts with his girlfriend? Lord help us!"

"I think you're overreacting, Alice," Edward frowned, his grin suddenly disappearing; Emmett chuckled.

"You try living with Bella-deprived Edward, Edward," he boomed in his usual loud voice, "You're grumpier than hungry Jasper."

Everyone laughed then, except for Jasper, who elbowed Emmett; Emmett was unaffected, but he pushed Jasper over anyway. This set the laughs off again, and it was the corniest situation I had ever been in. I smiled as Edward wrapped his arms around me, pulling me close to him and whispering, "I love you," in my ear; everyone was smiling at us, and I knew I didn't want to be anywhere else.

That night, after many hours of Cullen and Edward time, Edward and I ended up sitting in front of his piano. I opened the lid and coughed as millions of particles of dust flew out – it was involuntary, even if the dust had no effect on me. "Edward," I hacked, "How long as it been since you played this?"

"A while," he chuckled, attempting to pull me close again; I scooted out of his reach.

"So you mean to say that you haven't been gracing the world with your musical talent for twenty years because you were dragged into some mad depressive cycle?"

He raised a brow, "Something like that, yes. It happens when you lose the love of your life…I thought you might understand?"

I sighed, ignoring his mischievous sarcasm, "You are a fool, Edward. Now," I stood and pulled the full lid of the piano open, securing it so the strings were bared, "Play for me, and get all of that dust out."

"As you wish," he grinned, flexing his fingers; I rolled my eyes and leaned against the hard wood as he began to play. We stayed in there together for hours, the music healing both our sorrows – Edward had always played exactly what was in his heart, and I'd never been happier to listen. When we finally retired to his room – our room, now: I knew I would never want my own – he sat down on the golden bed whilst I crossed to the balcony, pushing open the windows and leaning out. I took a deep breath of the warm summer air, closing my eyes and sighing.

"So what do we do now?" I asked him, opening my eyes and gazing out over the view from his window – the house was silent, everyone having gone to their rooms hours ago. These vampires had become very human in their habits, but I wasn't about to tell them that…I didn't think they would like the idea very much. I smiled wryly to myself at the thought.

"I know exactly what I want to do now," Edward's soft voice emanated from behind me, filled with hidden meaning that my mind was too peaceful to catch.

"And what's that?" I asked him innocently, sensing that he was moving up behind me but not turning round – he wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me against him.

"You know exactly what _that _is," he murmured in my ear, lips pressing against the nape of my neck, his long fingers tapping against my hipbones, "Something I know you always wanted me to do when you were human…"

"Edward," I moaned, my body already beginning to react – nerves tingling, the fire in and around my heart as strong as it had been when I was being turned – "Do you mean…are you saying…now?"

He kissed my jaw, breathing against my skin, "Now." He linked his fingers over my abdomen, holding me tight against him and beginning to walk us both backwards. "I want you, Bella," he purred, making me shudder with feeling, "And it's been so long…I couldn't hold back from you now if I tried."

"Edward," I whispered, turning in his arms, wanting to kiss him like never before, "Oh, Edward…"

"Bella," he murmured in reply, drawing his fingers down my cheeks, "So very, very beautiful." He hummed gently in my ear, still pulling me with him slowly – "And so much wasted time," he muttered, almost to himself rather than to me.

"So much time we need to make up," I corrected him; he chuckled throatily.

"A very appropriate sentiment indeed."

* * *

><p>"So…" I raised my eyebrows at Edward, who looked like if he could blush, he would; his hair was filled with small, downy little feathers, more still raining down around us, "Is this some vampire thing no one told me about, or should I be worried?"<p>

Edward glared at me as he sat up, whilst I stayed down and giggled at him. "This isn't funny, love," he said, shaking the feathers out of his hair and reaching up to brush them off his bare shoulders, "I…they didn't tell me…"

"That when vampires blow their load they tend to break things?" I sat up, twisting around to get a better look at the mangled iron bed frame above me – when I looked around Edward wore such a sulky expression, his lower lip pouted and his hair full of feathers, that I broke into laughter again, pressing my face into the duvet and trying to muffle the sound.

"It's not funny!"

"You bit a pillow!" I laughed, "Oh my god, you bit a pillow…"

"He bit a pillow!" Emmett's voice emanated from the floor below – I jumped, not used to anyone else being able to hear me through walls, "Oh, Edward, you're a big boy now!"

"I'll beat you," Edward growled, moving to stand up, "I'll pound you into the floor, Emmett, if you say one more word!"

"Well, done, Bella," Emmett didn't seem to want to give it up, and I was trying very hard not to die with laughter, "Finally, the last virgin has been deflowered!"

This was too much for Edward – I had to jump up and grab him before he had the chance to leap from the bed and make for the door, our skin slamming together as I pulled him away, both of us tumbling back into the sheets. "Edward," I laughed, "Don't! Ignore him."

Edward suddenly looked very predator-like, his eyes flaming and his mouth curling – he looked more like an animal than a vampire, and I noticed that we had landed with our abdomens pressed together, me on top of him. But, more importantly, his head was now situated right at my collarbone, one of his legs twisted through mine; it was certainly a sufficient distraction, but Edward's sly grin made me suddenly feel very weak at the knees.

Later, when I was warm and peacefully wrapped up in his arms and Edward was pressing me for details of my last twenty years, he mentioned Victoria. "I wonder where she is," he murmured, and I was glad he was looking away because otherwise he would have seen my guilt immediately, "I would've thought she'd come and at least gloat…it doesn't seem like her to just get up and leave you alone. She's too vengeful. What do you think, Bells?" He turned over, leaning on his elbow and looking down at me – I tried to assume an expression of innocence, but obviously it wasn't good enough because he saw straight through me. "Bella?" he narrowed his eyes, "What is it? What aren't you telling me?"

I sighed, "Edward…if I tell you, you have to promise not to judge me."

He raised his brows, "Why would I judge you?"

"Because…erm…Edward, I…when I…" I was having trouble putting it into words, and after a minute more struggling I sighed, summoned up the crystal-clear memory itself, opened my mind and played it as fully as I could, closing my eyes and reliving it so he could watch. I could remember as if it was yesterday the feeling as I woke up, my vision adjusting, my world suddenly in high-definition – she'd leant over me with a savage grin, murmuring, "Let's see your Edward save you now." I had never been sure what she was going to do to me: maybe kill me there and bring my body to him, maybe take advantage of my confused newborn brain and poison me against him…but she'd underestimated me. I was confused, yes, but I was angry and thirsty for revenge, and my new form had only accentuated those qualities.

I still remembered her scream as I leapt up, taking her head in my hands before she had time to move – she'd fought me, but I was too strong for her. With one quick twist, like a farmer's wife beheading a chicken, I broke her neck and sent her flaming head rolling across the floor; it had hit the fridge with a low, metallic thud, red curls reflecting in the metal, and if I could have been sick I knew I would have.

I was careful to end the memory before Edward could see what had happened to me after that – the pain, the sorrow, the realisation that my father was dead and Edward wasn't there to greet me…that wasn't something I ever wanted to show him. It was far too personal. I took a deep breath, waiting for the pain to subside, telling myself that it didn't matter anymore, because Edward was here and he was never going to leave me again, focusing on his fingers on my cheeks, stroking the bones gently.

"Bella," he murmured, in a voice filled with such wonder I wondered if he had seen the memory wrong – I opened my eyes then, to find Edward staring at me with a mixture of astonishment and…could that be desire? Maybe I was reading him wrong.

"Aren't you…erm…" I frowned at him, "Disgusted with me? After what I did?"

"Disgusted!" he said, incredulously, "Of course not! That was…what you did…all by yourself…that was brilliant, Bella! If I ever thought you needed my protection," he shook his head, "You've definitely proved me wrong. You're the strongest newborn I've ever seen…not many could take on a fully matured angry female vampire and live to tell the tale."

I shrugged, embarrassed now at the pride in his eyes. "I…I wanted to see her dead. That was all I could focus on. I mean…Charlie…you…it was all her fault."

"You're so strong, Bella," he said to me, brushing my cheek with his thumb, "A newborn all alone, and yet you've never drank human blood, survived for twenty years without a coven to protect you…everyone's amazed at what you've done, you know."

"They are?"

He nodded, "All of them. Look at you – how strong you are, how beautiful…you're the best out of all of us, and no one is prouder of you than I am." If I could have blushed, I would have, but all the same I ducked my head and burrowed into his chest.

"If I am, it's only because you taught me how to be."

"That's a lie, and you know it." Edward moved back so I was forced to lift my head, and he leaned down to kiss me gently, "It was all you."

He pressed his forehead against mine, brushing our noses together, and retching noises emanated from downstairs: both Edward and I laughed this time then he shook his head, feigning exasperation. "I am simply the smoothest and sexiest out of all of them, and they just can't handle it," he joked, and it was wonderful to hear him so carefree – I giggled.

"I'll definitely agree with that."

"You should have a go with me, Bella!" That was Emmett, and Edward growled lightly.

"He wishes."

"I know it, fool!"

"Like I said," Edward grinned wickedly, his hands already ripping my shirt apart, "I have a lot to prove."

"Loud as possible?" I murmured to him – his lips were already brushing against mine, his warm breath fanning across my face.

"Loud as possible."

* * *

><p>"Next time," Alice said to me irritably the next morning as she emerged from her room, a pillow still over her head, "Could you <em>not <em>attempt to alert the whole of America to your love-making? It is rather distracting and weird to be doing fooling around of my own with you guys getting in the way. I actually had to read. Read! I haven't read at night in years! God, the things you drive me to, Bella..."

"I could say the same thing," Edward quipped, catching my hand and grinning – Alice narrowed her eyes at him as I giggled, hiding my face in embarrassment.

"Don't start with me, Mister. I'll castrate you, I swear I will!"

"Castrating a vampire," Carlisle murmured from the sofa, smiling a little, "Now that I would like to see."

"Carlisle, please," Esme sighed as she walked into the room, "Don't encourage them."

"Yeah," Jasper sighed, sounding strained, "Please don't."

"Stop complaining," Edward said, "With all I've had to put up with these last one hundred years, the least you could all do is allow me some time with the love of my life without whining about it."

"He has a point," I piped up – Alice gave me a look.

"You're only saying that because you're the one having sex with him."

"Now, Alice," Esme said, "Edward is right. Though perhaps it would be a good idea to send those two off on a honeymoon so they can reconnect there instead of here, where we can all hear them?" Everyone else laughed, but I was shocked: I had never heard anything so suggestive come out of Esme's mouth, nor had I ever expected it to. But then again, I thought as Edward pulled me onto his lap and began drawing his tongue across my neck…complete alone time with him did sound very tempting.

We were all but kicked out of the house a few days later, after Alice threw a fit when she caught us making out very enthusiastically on the sofa – I would have complained, but Esme offered us her house off the coast of South America to stay in for a few weeks, or a few years, as Alice grouchily suggested. At least I felt sort of bad – Edward had sat up and laughed at her, looking sexier than ever with dishevelled hair and a wild look in his eyes. That had only served to make her angrier.

"And don't you dare come back until you are fully and completely in control of yourselves," she said when me and Edward were packed up and in the car, "I warn you. I'll see it if you're not, and I'll just send you away again."

"I love you too, Alice," I laughed, and she sighed.

"That's why I'm doing this."

We spent a few months out there alone – we had only meant to be away for a week or two, but I'd found it so pleasurable to have such privacy with him we'd extended our stay. Edward taught me the finer points of being a vampire, helping me hone my hunting skills, as well as teaching me how to swim, and I spent a lot of my time curing him of some very bachelor-like habits. We talked continuously, sharing our thoughts, our feelings, catching up on each other's pasts and generally becoming so close that we were almost one entity, connected continuously through my thoughts to his. I learned how to keep that barrier open for him, never closing it because I didn't need to, and I didn't want to. Edward did much the same for me, telling me everything out loud: there were no secrets between us anymore. That last barrier that we'd never been able to cross when I was human was gone, and I saw whole new sides to him that I'd never known before.

Besides that, whilst I thought the sex was good when we first started, he learned quickly, and took much pleasure in reducing me to a panting wreck whenever he could. I wasn't sure about anyone else, but I was sure that Edward was much better at sex than anyone else ever could be – he was gentle and loving, yet also powerful and commanding when I wanted him to be…he had that mischievous grin that always made me weak at the knees, and I knew that feeling would never go away.

Not that I ever wanted it to.


End file.
